April snow showers have been gently dusting our lawn with flakes these past few days, leaving us glistening jewels and sparkles in the most unusual of places. A corner where the sun’s rays don’t quite reach somehow manages to hang on to winter’s grasp just a tad bit longer, while other spots melt soon after the sun decides to grace us with its presence. While the weather here has been trying to decide if it’s going to let winter blossom into radiant spring, we’ve been busy collecting morsels of grace in this adoption journey and trying to make sense of this unexpected place we find ourselves.
This journey has been harder than we ever thought it would be. Two more two year olds were added to the waiting children list and my heart just aches to see their pictures. My mind starts trying to figure out if there is some way to take them all in and every time it hits a wall. We don’t have enough money. We don’t have enough time to take multiple trips for multiple adoptions in one year. This battle of not being able to help all of them is one that caught us a bit off guard. This journey has brought us face to face with our limitations. It’s shown us our lack of patience and areas where our trust falters. It’s exposed depths of humanity in this crazy, messy world that, in and of ourselves, we’d just as soon throw a blanket over and turn and run far, far away.
But, there is much, much grace along this path. Paul writes, “But where sin abounded, grace abounded much more” (Romans 5:20). Sin’s destructive effects radiates in the lives of these children. You can’t miss it. It marks their faces and little bodies that are riddled with syndromes and illnesses and scars their little souls with much, much pain. It has brought us to our knees time and again because we can see our self in their faces. I see myself standing before a holy God who is perfect in all of his ways and I am so needy, so war-torn by sin’s effects and its grip on my life and I fall tremendously short. I am riddled with sin and desperately self-seeking. He should never have adopted me. But, he did. He chose to adopt me, knowing full well the mess he was getting. He died. For me. It takes my breath away. Grace upon grace.
Little man is not going to be joining our family, but we know there is a home out there that is much better able to meet his unique needs than ours. He has an adoption agency advocating for his adoption. Advocating for him. Brushstrokes of grace. There are children who are ill and hurting and, although we cannot adopt every, single one of them or even do much to help them or solve their earthly needs, grace still abounds. He has made a way for every, single person. He sacrificed his very life for those who look and act like model citizens on the outside and also for those who are devastated by situations and circumstances where there seems to be no way. He is our advocate and his mercies are new each and every morning. His grace abounds. And for that, we are overwhelmed by beauty, redeemed by crimson grace.
When we started this adventure, we had our hands wide open to whatever He has for us and we’re going to finish this journey with hands wide open no matter how it ends. Trust in his care of us has held us afloat and continues to carry us each and every day as we wait.
There are a few families in country right now and their process is going smoothly. The bill that may close the door for us has not yet been signed into law. It could be signed tomorrow or in the next few months or never. No one knows. Nerve-wracking, most definitely, but it’s all in his hands and we choose to trust. He is our confidence. We remain steadfast in our trust of God’s plan and purpose. Despite the looming uncertainties, we’re sticking with this program. If the door closes, we’ll switch countries, but no sooner. In the meantime the U.S. government and our agency are cautiously proceeding and things are running very much like before. Referrals are being made, court dates are being assigned and families are traveling. And so, we wait. We trust. We walk by faith, not knowing how this is all going to turn out, but confident in his grace and care of us, knowing He is able to do so much more than we could ever ask or imagine.